Diary

Frederick Fleet, January 10, 1965

Seeing as I’m bout to put a rope around my neck, and end this nightmare man call life, I think it best I tell my part of the story. By the story, I am referring to the Titanic. That boat ruined me, when giving my testimony I was anything but help so now, I say, I will be as honest as the day is long. There are many memories that I am sure of and others long forgotten, but I will try my best.

It was about 10pm when I started my shift. I worked alongside my mate Regional Lee with nothing but our eyes to help. Right about the time my shift was meant to end, I spotted a black mass out in front of us. I thought it was no big deal, had no idea that soon I would be scared out of my wits. Calmly struck 3 bells (Signal for an iceberg) and went to the telephone on the bridge. Was asked what I had seen and gave the words as direct and simple as possible. “Iceberg, right ahead” the man (I haven’t an idea who) only gave a quick okay. I went back to the crow's nest till I was relieved from my duties. The iceberg was soon looming right in front of us, getting bigger and bigger. Between 50-60 tall and wider than the eye could see. The wheels were put to starboard. What the boat hit the iceberg I heard a deafening grinding sound. For a second, I thought that would be it until I saw the first captain looking as concerned as ever. It wasn't until about 0.20 a the next day that it became clear not everything was fine aboard the Titanic.

Now that I think about it, I wish I had made more persistent attempts for glasses, but I had only asked in Southampton. I then proceeded to help get the life boat 6 ready.The lifeboat was undermanned they needed a seaman to help the people, someone with lots of experience. They got Arthur Peuchen to help. Before I knew it, I hopped into the boat and was rowing. It felt like we had been rowing for hours, but It was only about half an hour or probably more, I wouldn’t have known as I didn’t have a watch. Not that a watch would have helped it probably would have stopped working from the freezing cold and the rocking. We stopped a couple of miles away and just watched the great ship sink. She was massive but not unsinkable, that much was clear. Her lights eventually turned off and the boat was completely upright. Although this may sound unforgivable I found it mesmerizing. There was this woman Margaret brown on our boat who wouldn't stop talking. She kept insisting we go back. I had never been so scared, I really hoped they wouldn’t turn the boat around. After a few hours, we went aboard this ship. There were many people hugging and reuniting, but many more were crying and wailing. I have never hated humanity as much as I did at that moment.

Now, after my wife's death and brother kicking me out, I am ready to leave humanity completely. Goodbye.

Captain Smith, 14th April

The boat is sinking and there is nothing I can do. Of course, I could and should take control of the situation, but I am paralyzed with fear. I feel the only thing I can do is write. I now I am about to die and yet here I am writing. I suppose I will only regret leaving behind my wife Eleanor and my dear daughter Helen. I have led a long life to the age of 62, there is no point in taking a spot on a lifeboat. Besides If I were to survive I would most likely be deemed a coward. To think earlier I had been at a party, I sort of wish I had stayed longer. I immediately gave the order for the lifeboats to be loaded and lowered. I am ashamed to admit my leadership skills left me. Thankfully I had first officer William Murdoch. He’s a good Scottish man of 39 years. He was on the bridge the time the iceberg hit. He had tried to port the boat around the iceberg and failed just as I have failed as a captain. I started to wonder around. Murdoch left the passengers he was helping and started to rewrite the seamanship. At this hour! Then again, I am the one who is filling a diary when I am about to meet my death. Murdoch left behind a wife too. He mentioned her once, I am pretty sure he said her name was Ada. I presume he knows he is going to die aboard the Titanic. Now walking about I can only imagine what I could have done. Perhaps if the boat hadn’t been so fast. Maybe if we had met the Iceberg head on. Even after the incident, I should have taken apart doors and furniture to put together a makeshift boat. They won’t find my body. Whoever they are. I know this because I am a true captain and although the saying “the captain goes down with his ship” wasn’t meant to be taken literally, I guess I will be sinking to the bottom of the ocean with this great beauty of a ship.